Plane foodNot looking forward to the plane food or shall I say 'plain' food I will be served in the next few days. And tomorrow I have a middle seat, which I hate! I hope BA steps up their food and that I don't get that oily carrot muffin in my little box tomorrow morning.

Have 4 flights in 5 days to look forward to (at least the Burger won't be sitting next to me having a panic/crying/Rain Man attack during take off and landing and then saying 'I wasn't that bad, was I?" To which we replied, mouth agape, 'really?? the whole section were staring and the crew came over as soon as they could after take off to see if they could give you a horse tranquiliser, you need serious medical attention for this fear my dear!')

Our plane food from Dubai was shocking (see pic) I had to just eat load of those nice Worcester sauce flavoured nuts and my non-plane food. I now buy my food before I board at a restaurant so I don't have to endure the lasagna surprise or beef barfignon! The only thing I ate was the stick of pineapple in the little baggy, that was actually the best thing on the flight. Don't you like how on the box it is written - Enjoy! - are they taunting us?

Oh and the hotel that I am staying at tomorrow surely won't provide many opportunities to rectify the food malady of BA; it has been described to me as 'worse than the pictures on the internet and it smells like old men, beer and fustiness.' I almost fell over in my chair and then thought, wtf - what is fustiness??!!

The hotel looks pub-like so I think we will just drink lots of Swiss beer to blank out the senses. Will try and post from Switzerland but am quite sure that our 'hotel' might not have wi-fi or big fluffy bathrobes or even a little mini bar with those salty almonds. Oh the joy of business travel! Isn't it so glamorous? At least my favourite T5 (Terminal 5) will bring me some joy, it is a pleasure flying out of there and there are lots of places to stock up on smoothies and sarnies for the journey.

AlitaliaMore pathetic airline food last week. I was starving but so rushed to catch my flight I didn't have a chance to eat properly so I had to suffer through this horrid little thing they call a sandwich. I thought the Italians could do better but am not surprised as Alitalia has been having a lot of trouble lately. So after a disgusting walk through Milan's Linate airport which should be burned to the ground as it is so grey and depresssing, they serve this fake toasted panini which has bresaola inside a sliver of butter and a sliver of ricotta inside it. Not even spread evenly, just in these two hard lumpy lines. It was gross but I had no alternative so ate it. The other options were biscuits but not sure what those would've been like.

Lucky me, I sat beside a troll who snarled at me behind her bifocals. Why can I not sit beside a socialble and mildly attractive person who doesn't get the pillow stuck in their arse crack due to their fatness? This happend on my last flight to Toronto! This pre-Christmas troll had scary facial hair, a big gut and clothes that were too snug and too short which meant that the blub was hanging out! I know I am going to rot in hell but people, when you are that fat a little extra material goes a LONG way! You are not a size 8 anymore.

And if you are so fat that you don't notice a pillow stuck between your ass crack then you need to cut down on something. Maybe start with that bag of candy she scoffed on the flight - pre her two glasses of wine and Coke and her meal. Seriously I wanted to crawl into the barf bag!

Can someone from BA read this and put me in a seat at Easter next to a normal person? I should be flying privately, non?