Just keep your breakfast out of my face

funny article below- I am always GROSSED out by people who eat on the tube, lick their fingers after being on the tube or while on the tube - those poles have been touched by millions of sweaty hands people!?! (or people that lick their fingers in general-I think there is never a need to lick your fingers in public)

From the London Paper today...

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

I sat musing on the Tube the other morning, listening to my iPod. Nowadays I have to jack the volume up so high to hear anything over the almighty clattering of the rolling stock that the incipient hearing loss is hardly worth it any more. Plus, the so-called “shuffle” on my iPod has decided that if it has to play The Clash, it will only ever play Lost in the Supermarket, because that’s the only Clash song it likes. I, on the other hand, despite being a devoted fan, am getting tired of hearing it every single time I “shuffle”. I don’t envy Apple and Steve Jobs their money, it’s just, you know, they make such an inferior quality product.

Anyhow, without so much as a by-your-leave, the woman sitting next to me suddenly proceeded to have her breakfast. She munched, slurped, scraped and licked her way though: an Actimel, a banana, two pots of yoghurt and an orange. The latter was peeled inside a Sainsbury’s plastic bag, presumably for health and safety reasons. There really aren’t many things more irritating than someone else eating a pot of yoghurt next to you – particularly if they lick the pulled-off foil lid, and then do that annoying little scraping motion at the bottom of the pot with their idiot spoon.

I sat there wondering what else she would pull out. Maybe a medium-rare steak sandwich, or a moist, warmed croissant from her armpit? If she had got so far as shucking a few oysters, I was sure I had some Tabasco sauce in my bag.

Not content with her sumptuous repast on a 9.05am Jubilee line train to North Greenwich, she then had the temerity to proceed to apply what I’m guessing was a full make-up barrage to her face. What next? A sponge bath?

It hit me that London Underground is missing out on a business opportunity: a dedicated “breakfast carriage”. The wide Jubilee line trains are ideally suited to a unique buffet-bar breakfasting experience. Not to mention special make-up-application carriages on gimbals (to prevent jerking and smearing of lipstick). What about gym and spa carriages? For a fair fare, you could avail yourself of the facilities and arrive at work fed, watered, exercised, manicured, made-up, suited and booted.

Or you could get up a bit bloody earlier and do it at home. Just a suggestion.

Glen Byrne